new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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