oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
