how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I supernannyed him into submission
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
