DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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