She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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