I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize