we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
