i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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