I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
