i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
