Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
