So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
