Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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