fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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