Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
