toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think my fart just growled at me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
