it's like iHOP with fire
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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