threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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