We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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