White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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