Church boner. Awkwardddd
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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