One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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