Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
