I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
