my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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