I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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