I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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