I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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