she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize