No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
