Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
