Her vagina should come with caution tape.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
