How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
and she was petting her beer can
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
wow bdsm is so cute
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
