I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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