I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
