I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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