you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
