fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
