I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
