Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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