I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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