The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
thus making me awesome and them whores
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
