Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize