fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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