Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize