no, he came in my armpit
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
we're so committed to being not committed
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
