my sisters under your porch take her home
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
