Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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