i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
