One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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