Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
