I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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