i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Why did my mother make you get naked?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
