i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize