You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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