I'm going to jail i love you
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
