...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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