I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Are we still banned from the library?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
