Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
