I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
