grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
