I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
