He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
