pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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