OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
