either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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