Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
