College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
