i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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