Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
