My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
