I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
