Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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